One conspiracy site speculates that the government exercises

6 Crackpot Conspiracy Theories That Actually Happened

We really do try very hard here at Cracked to maintain a no bullshit policy. We’re not the goddamned New York Times, but we do try to make sure Canada Goose Jackets we don’t repeat a claim unless we can link to a smarter group of people who confirm it. buy canada goose jacket We kind of think everyone who touches a keyboard should do that.

canada goose outlet 80 off But in the course of looking down our noses at the nutjobs who spread urban legends and conspiracy theories, we have to sometimes stop and point out that there are downright terrifying historical precedents for even their craziest of claims. canada goose outlet 80 off

This is the stereotypical “tin foil hat” conspiracy theory that the government has the ability to beam thoughts into or out of your skull using its Illuminati mind ray technology. This is a uk canada goose outlet favorite of crazy people Canada Goose sale because, well, they’re crazy, and hearing strange voices in your head is as common a symptom of craziness as you’ll find. Assassins Mark Chapman and both claimed to hear voices in their heads telling them to murder their targets.

You can use the same excuse to get away with stealing lunches from your co workers.

But they’re not the only ones who have ever claimed to hear voices broadcast directly into their heads. All over the country, people who aren’t murdering beloved public figures have also asserted that the United States government is trying to control their minds by transmitting thoughts directly into their brains. Which is why some of them elect to don the aforementioned tinfoil headgear to keep the voices out. This is why the tinfoil hat has become the emblem of all Canada Goose online things conspiracy related, mocked in movies and elsewhere.

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They can totally beam voices into your head.

In 2006, a guy whom multiple counselors labeled as a “paranoid schizophrenic” filed a Freedom of Information Act petition requesting all declassified government documents pertaining to covert attempts at microwave auditory effect, telepathy and hypnosis. While no one was surprised that a guy who once complained that the backs of his shoes were vaporized by an electromagnetic weapon would go through the canada goose uk shop effort of filing the request, a lot of people shit a brick when they saw the papers that came back.

Page after page of verified government documents confirmed that taxpayer dollars had funded research on everything from canada goose store a telepathic ray gun to fever lasers that made victims disoriented and less aggressive. And, yes, one of the released tests even broadcast a person’s voice telepathically by “using close range microwaves. to project the spoken numbers 1 to 10 across a lab to volunteers.”

Most of us didn’t give a second thought to filling out our census forms last year. But among the loonier elements of American society, speculation abounded about what exactly the government was going to do with all that data it collected, other than, you know, allocate congressional seats. invasion. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann even stated that she and her family would refuse to answer any census questions beyond how many people were in her household, because “the Constitution doesn’t require any information beyond that.”

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canada goose black friday instagram Thanks to the fact that, yes it does, Bachmann took a lot of heat for her paranoid rhetoric. Especially when the actual results of the census led to speculation that her own state might lose a congressional district. canada goose black friday instagram

So, we could all sit back and laugh at the paranoid types who thought the government was going to use the census to round us up and cheap canada goose put us into camps. government totally once used census data to round people up and put them in camps.

Looking pretty good compared to Hitler: not a high bar, but it’s one we can reach. Census Bureau actually did assist the Secret Service in rounding up Japanese Americans for internment. Roosevelt.

Prior to the Second War Powers Act of 1942, information collected by census takers was confidential and protected. got its frenetic anti Asian ball rolling, all bets were off for any American whose canada goose uk outlet eyes weren’t shaped “white.” So when the Secret Service came knocking on the Census Bureau’s door for the names and addresses of Japanese Americans, even the ones who were citizens, the data collectors were willing to oblige.

Tags are way less awful than tattoos!

uk canada goose sale And that wasn’t the last time racial data were handed over canada goose clearance in a politically charged atmosphere. In 2004, the Census Bureau took a beating for giving the Department of Homeland Security information about Arab Americans, including ZIP codes with dense Arab populations. Some speculated that the data even led to the deportation of people who wouldn’t have otherwise been targeted. uk canada goose sale

The government controls the media.

The believers of this idea don’t just take for granted the so called liberal bias demonstrated by media outlets across the board. What these guys allege is much more sinister: that the federal government is in charge of media outlets across the board. Not just moderating or regulating, but controlling what we see, hear and read. One conspiracy site speculates that the government exercises its control not just through content but through the information released through government spokesmen, through subsidies, press passes and embedded reporters in wartime. In other words, everything that government officials touch with regards to the media is just another way for them to control it.

canada goose jacket outlet toronto The plot of the Robert DeNiro movie Wag the Dog involved a president actually fabricating an entire war, with the news media obediently publishing story after story at the government’s behest. Ridiculous, right? canada goose jacket outlet toronto

canada goose outlet toronto factory Between the poster, the title and Dustin Hoffman, we were 90% sure this film was about masturbation. canada goose outlet toronto factory

By the mid 50s, the CIA had over 400 journalists working with them across the country. And these guys weren’t just cub reporters, either. They included top level employees from all three major networks as well as The New York Times, Time Inc. and Associated Press, all not only capable of planting pro government stories in their respective media but also able to suppress anything that wasn’t government friendly. And the whole shebang was so easy to accomplish because, as one operative noted,

Journalists give better head, too.

One common thread that runs through all good conspiracy theories is that the people who believe them think they’re canada goose black friday sale being watched. And not just through uk canada goose Enemy of the State surveillance technology, either, but by actual flesh and blood government agents, following them down dark alleys.

Yeah, like their little group of protesters and vegans is soooo important that the government is going to pay somebody a full time salary to do nothing but watch them. Like some kid’s hippie college newsletter about how the oil companies own Washington is totally going to warrant the government planting a spook at the Canada Goose Parka local Starbucks to spy on him while he slathers cream cheese on his Hawaiian bagel and bangs away on his laptop.


Through a program called COINTELPRO, J. Edgar Hoover and his FBI buds used actual government agents to infiltrate the the civil rights movement, the Black Panthers, anti Vietnam groups, women’s rights groups, the National Lawyers Guild and many, many others in an effort to neutralize and/or radicalize them.

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